


Secrets Reflected Back at You...

by AllHallowsEve



Series: Wincest Colored Glasses [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Desire, Episode: s01e05 Bloody Mary, Longing, Lust, M/M, Secrets, Self Loathing, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:06:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14811932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllHallowsEve/pseuds/AllHallowsEve
Summary: The boys work on a Bloody Mary case, but learn there are things better left unsaid.Episode 5 as seen through Wincest colored glasses.





	Secrets Reflected Back at You...

**Author's Note:**

> As always this one is unbeta'd so please let me know if you see any glaring mistakes. Thank you all for your support during this endeavor. I truly hope you are enjoying the ride! I sure am!!!

Dean tried to concentrate on the book in his lap, and the notes splayed out all over the table under the motel room window. But having Sam sprawled out vulnerable on the bed sleeping just mere feet away kept drawing his attention back to his brother.

His body was so much taller than Dean remembered, and it took up the entire length of the bed.  He was no longer the scrawny kid brother that used to fit neatly under Dean’s arm at night when he got scared of his nightmares and came to Dean to feel safe.

Dean had been afraid that Sam would wake up and catch him appraising his body, but the longer Sam slept the less Dean could resist.  He eventually let his eyes wander as much as they liked, in spite of the guilt weighing his own shoulders down from the enjoyment he found in soaking in the vision of his brother lying there. 

His mind began to question what it would feel like to go over and touch Sam while he slept.  Just as the notion grew large enough to try to push him towards a horrible mistake, Sam began making noises.  Not good noises, but harsh breathing and his face contorted in fear or anguish.  Dean couldn’t be sure, but he could only guess as to what Sam was dreaming about, it had to be Jess’s death.  Although Sam still refused to talk about it anytime Dean had tried bringing it up.

He was about to put down his research and go wake his brother up when Sam jerked awake on his own with a gasp.

Dean ducked his head, trying hard to not blush at the thought of his brother knowing where his mind went while he was suffering the horror of yet another nightmare.  Dean tried to get Sam to talk about the nightmare, but like always, Sam deflected. 

Dean would have taken who knows how long to berate himself internally about how horrible a brother and human being he was, but Sam began asking him about how his research into the potential Bloody Mary case was going.

Dean basically had bupkis, not because he had spent the last few minutes looking longingly at his brother, but because there were no legitimate leads or information to be had about other deaths that might relate to the man whose eyes had exploded causing him to bleed out in front of a mirror, or to any potential source for a “Bloody Mary” type villain that Dean could find in any of the source material they had collected.

That was until Sam’s phone rang and Charlie, one of the friend’s of the dead man’s daughter, called to say there had been another death.  And this time there was for sure a Bloody Mary connection because the girl had heard her friend say the name immediately before her death.

The boys did research at the scenes of both deaths and found hand prints on the backs of both mirrors with names left behind.  The names were of people that had somehow died and it seemed the ghost was holding the new victims responsible for the other deaths somehow.

The puzzle didn’t quite come into focus until Dean found details of a murdered woman named Mary in Indianapolis that had tried to write her killer’s name on the mirror in front of her as she died.  The writing looked eerily similar to the names scrawled behind each of their victim’s mirrors. 

They found out that the mirror she had written on, at the time of her death, had been sold to a dealer in Toledo which is how Mary had come to town suddenly wreaking all kinds of revenge on people she seemed to hold accountable for other people’s deaths.

While they were driving towards the antique shop where the mirror supposedly was to be found, Sam came up with the idea to trap Mary in her mirror by using himself, and his own guilt, as bait to call her to it. 

Dean had had enough.  He pulled Baby over to the side of the road.  The cold pouring rain beating down on Baby’s hood matched Sam’s dark mood as Dean confronted him once and for all about his misplaced guilt over Jess’s death.

Dean spelled it out for Sam.  It wasn’t Sam’s fault that Jess died.  He couldn’t believe Sam couldn’t see that.  He told Sam to blame the thing that killed her, but when that didn’t seem to phase Sam, Dean lashed out with, “or Hell, why don’t you take a swing at me? I mean I’m the one that dragged you away from her in the first place.”

Sam turned forlorn eyes at Dean, “I don’t blame you.”

His voice was so sad, it broke Dean’s heart but also infuriated him that he didn’t seem to be getting through Sam’s thick skull at all.  He changed tactics.

He explained to Sam that his calling Bloody Mary in the mirror would never work to get her to come for him because part of her M.O. was coming after people whose ‘guilt’ was a secret.

Dean spelled it out as simply as he could by telling Sam he knew all about how much Sam was feeling guilty over Jess.  It wasn’t a secret so it wouldn’t work.

A chill ran up Dean’s spine as Sam turned hollow eyes at him and confessed, “I haven’t told you everything.”

Dean balked. He wanted to force Sam to tell him what he meant, but Sam was having none of it.  Sam’s lips tightened in determination and Dean became desperate.  He wasn’t allowing his brother to offer himself up to some revenge filled ghost like a lamb to a slaughter.  Absolutely not.  He wasn’t having it.

Sam stopped the tirade by reminding Dean, in no uncertain terms, that they had left Charlie scared and alone in their motel room, and she was the ghost’s next victim who was guaranteed to die by this ghost’s hand, if they didn’t stop it once and for all.

They pulled up in front of the antique dealer’s shop and as he waited while Sam expertly picked the lock, Dean couldn’t remember the last time he felt as powerless as he felt now.  Every step they took that brought them closer to Mary’s mirror made him feel like his feet weighed a thousand pounds each.  A cold batch of ice had formed in the pit of his stomach as they walked through the front area.

His nerves were frayed by the time they searched through room after room of mirrors looking for the one in the picture of the original Mary’s death.

Sam finally found it and Dean tried one last desperate attempt to talk him out of it before his brother stood in front of the damned thing and spoke the cursed words three times.  They waited for several moments and nothing happened, but then Dean saw a light reflected from the front of the store.  He had no idea what it was but he couldn’t let anything interrupt Sam from trapping the ghost and breaking that mirror now that he had summoned the spirit.  Even if she hadn’t shown herself yet, Sam was in danger and so even though it killed a part of Dean to walk away from his brother like that, he had to go and take care of whatever was happening at the front of the store. 

Of course it was their rotten luck the place had a security system.  Dean tried to talk his way out of things with the two security guards, he really did, but it was taking way too long, and his fuse was shorter than normal, with his brother’s life at stake.  So he opted for the quick but violent way out of the scenario, by knocking both the men out, leaving their bodies splayed across the dark sidewalk.

He rushed back inside to find his brother on his knees in front of the mirror bleeding from his eyes.  A mirror image of Sam was lording over his brother from the within the mirror.  Dean could tell he was speaking to Sam but he couldn’t hear anything the ghost Sam was saying.

Sam’s mind was tormented by the ghost’s voice, his voice echoing back at him from his own visage, speaking all his own fears about dreaming of Jess’s death days prior to it actually happening.  About how he could have saved her if he had only told her the truth of his premonitions.  About how desperate Sam had been to just feel normal and not be the freak he had always felt himself to be.  He spoke of darker things that churned in the pit of Sam’s stomach.

Dean came roaring towards the mirror, allowing all his anger and rage, fueled by his fear of losing Sam, and feeling helpless to stop it all, pour out in the vicious stroke he used to smash through the silvered glass. 

He help Sam to his feet, giving him a shoulder to lean against as they made their way slowly back towards the front of the store.  It wasn’t until they heard the crunching of the smashed glass behind them that they realized they were in trouble.

They turned in unison to look behind them.  The ghost was crawling across the glass covered floor towards them, and as she began to stand she looked up from beneath her dark matted hair. Both brothers fell to their knees, violent pain grinding them down, causing them to bleed from their eyes. They writhed in agony as the ghost moved her twisted body slowly towards them. 

Dean looked around desperate for anything to save them and saw a mirror leaned against a wire wall just within reach.  Dean aimed it at the ghost and as soon as she saw her own reflection, she began to melt and flow bloodlike towards the floor, turning into glass shards smashing loudly as they hit the ground.

They collected themselves and made their way back to Baby.  Then went and retrieved Charlie from their motel room explaining that she would be safe now.  They dropped her at home but before she could reach the door Sam called to her.  Telling her she really should try to forgive herself for her boyfriend’s death.  That no matter what she might have done she probably couldn’t have stopped it, and that sometimes bad things just happen.

When Sam finished, Dean turned to him and said, “That’s good advice.”

Sam smiled shyly at his brother’s compliment, knowing Dean meant for him to take that advice himself about Jess’s death. But it just felt good to have him say something Sam did was good, no matter the reason behind it.

As they drove out of town Sam worried quietly on his side of the car.  He had no idea how much Dean heard, if any, of what the ghost had taunted him with.  His stomach was tight with it.  The ghost throwing his foreboding dreams of Jess’s death in his face was what he had expected.  He had been prepared for that. That was the whole point of it in the first place. 

But what had chilled him to the core was that she had thrown his guilt of wanting Dean at him too.  Had said horrible things about the fact that he desired his brother, that every hunt they were on together, was putting his brother at risk of dying because he was preoccupied by how much he wanted Dean.

No one had died because of his desire for Dean.  He hadn’t counted on Mary knowing any of that.  That was his deepest darkest secret to be sure, but because there was no related death it never entered his mind that she would have seen that inside him.  Sam knew Dean had walked up and smashed the mirror as Sam’s own reflection was spewing hateful words about his desire for Dean loud and clear.  But Dean had shown no reaction.  It could be because he was so worried in the moment about ending the ghost, and then afterwards they had to get back to Charlie.  Was he biding his time to tell Sam to get the hell out of the car and never speak to him again?

Dean’s remark about the good advice to Charlie didn’t seem like he was upset at Sam.  He just couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was coming from all this.

They drove silently through town for a while, with Sam lost in thought.  Dean suddenly said “Hey Sam?”

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat, and turned worried eyes back in Dean’s direction responding with a fearful “Yeah?”

Without meeting Sam’s gaze, Dean continued, “Now that all this is over, I want you to tell me what that secret was.”

Sam smiled softly in relief, as Dean finally looked him in the eye.  Dean hadn’t heard any of it.  Hadn’t heard his secret about the premonitions through his dreams, and more importantly, hadn’t heard anything about his intense longing for his brother. 

Sam stated matter-of-factly, “Look, you’re my brother, and I’d die for you.”

Dean’s breath caught in his throat and his heart stopped for a beat.  He had thought a thousand times that he would be willing to die for Sam.  Hell his job since he was four had been ‘taking care of Sammy’ which meant no matter what he had to do in order to succeed at it, he was willing to do.

But the thought of Sam being willing to die for him, it stole every thought out of his head momentarily.

He barely heard Sam finish with “but there are some things I need to keep to myself.”

The quiet earnest tone in Sam’s voice was something that Dean had never heard before.  There was a depth of emotion behind it that Dean wasn’t sure what to do with, nor what it signified. 

He thought to fight what Sam said, sought to wring the secret from him, just so that he could keep this intimate moment going.  But then Dean thought about his own secret.  His deepest darkest secret that he could never, would never, share with Sam.  He could never tell Sam that he had wanted him for at least the last 10 plus years of his life.  That he had come time and again with Sam’s name on his lips.  He knew that Sam was right, there were some secrets you just couldn’t share and he didn’t know what Sam’s was, but he stayed quiet, knowing that whatever Sam’s was, it could never be as bad as Dean’s own.

**Author's Note:**

> Well it is beginning to get just a tiny bit steamy. This series is the most subtle I have ever been with Wincest and I hope everyone is enjoying the slow burn. Not much burn at all yet, more angsty smoldering suffering, but again, I am just seeing where they take me. I don't want to force it, I mean we have so many episodes to go and I have no idea when it will feel right to just dive in. I hope you will have patience with me while we are all in this together.
> 
> I cannot thank you all enough for the kudos and comments on this series. I am in love with these boys and their love for each other. I am having a blast writing it but your support is really making it all so much more fun!!!
> 
> Off to work on the next one :)


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